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Supporting Sobriety: Tips to Help Your Sober Friend

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This week I wanted to write something for the people who may not be sober themselves, but love someone who is.

Support has been a huge part of my sobriety. Not just from other sober people, but from the people in my life who simply wanted to see me succeed. The truth is, everyone needs something different in sobriety, so this is not a rulebook. These are just the things that helped me personally and the ways people showed up for me that really made a difference.

Watch How You Phrase Things

I do not know anyone who enjoys being told, “you need to” or “you have to” do something, whether it is about sobriety or anything else.
Of course there are moments where tough love is necessary, but most of the time saying something like, “You need to go to AA,” is not actually helpful.
People in early recovery can be sensitive, overwhelmed, and honestly a little stubborn. A lot of people are still figuring out whether they even have a problem, and many are not ready to fully admit it yet. Because of that, wording matters more than people realize.
Suggestions go a lot further than instructions.
Something like, “Have you thought about AA?” or “What can I do to help?” feels supportive instead of controlling.
Deep down, most people know something is off. But getting sober is about so much more than just stopping drinking or using. For a lot of us, addiction became a crutch. We convinced ourselves it helped with our social life, our emotions, stress, or just relaxing after a long day.
So while someone in active addiction or sobriey does not actually need alcohol or drugs for any of those things, they may truly believe they do. Respect where they are mentally. Help them come to their own realization instead of forcing yours onto them.

Keep Inviting Them

Just because we are sober does not mean we are dead.
We still want to celebrate birthdays, go to dinners, show up for your milestones, and feel included in life. One of the biggest fears in sobriety is that life is suddenly going to become boring, isolated, or separate from everyone else.
That is why the invite matters.
Even if it is at a bar, even if there will be drinking, even if you are not sure whether they will come, still ask.
Sure, in very early sobriety maybe a bar is not the best place for someone. But as time goes on, a lot of us crave normalcy more than anything.
Personally, if I am invited somewhere where the drinks are flowing hard, I usually do not stay longer than an hour. It is not because I am tempted. I just get bored.
But I still like being invited.
A simple, “Hey, my birthday is Sunday and I am doing a get together at this bar. Want to come?” means a lot. Let your sober friend decide what is best for them, and if they cancel last minute, trust that they are protecting their sobriety, not rejecting you.

Check In on the Person, Not Just the Sobriety

Sobriety is obviously a huge part of my life. I am open about it. I built trips to Greece and Italy around sober travel, and I started SGA NYC to show people they can still have fun in sobriety.
But sobriety is not my whole personality.
I am still the same person you knew when I was drinking, I am just not drunk.
I still love Kelly Clarkson. I still love musical theater. I still want to talk about movies, gossip, work drama, travel plans, and the random crazy thing that happened this week.
Sometimes the best support has nothing to do with sobriety at all.
Send the article that reminded you of them. Ask if they saw the movie you want to watch. Text them and ask how work is going. Even something as simple as “How are you?” can go a really long way.
Sometimes they may want to talk about sobriety. Other times they may just want to vent about their boss or tell you something funny.
That normal check in matters.
I will admit, some people who constantly checked on me when I was drinking stopped once I got sober. At first I took it personally. But eventually I realized their discomfort with my sobriety had nothing to do with me.
So if someone in your life got sober and you feel awkward about it, push past that and check in anyway. They are going through a lot more than your discomfort with accepting the new version of them.
And speaking only for myself, I do not care if you still drink. My sobriety is mine. I am never going to force it onto someone else.

Create Safe Spaces Too

If inviting someone to a bar feels uncomfortable for you, that is okay too.
Maybe you do not want to feel responsible. Maybe you are worried about triggering them. Maybe you just do not know how it will affect the dynamic of the night.
If that is what your gut is telling you, create other spaces for connection.
Host an alcohol free game night. Do a bonfire. Have a movie night. Plan brunch. Go for coffee. Take a walk.
If you really care about having your sober friends in your life, create moments where they can show up fully relaxed and comfortable.
It does not have to be complicated. Sometimes the most meaningful support is just giving someone a space where they do not have to think so hard.

It Goes Both Ways

I also think it is important to say that support is a two way street.
It is not your job to constantly make sure your sober friend is okay.
In early sobriety, yes, give a little grace. People are learning how to rebuild their lives and sometimes that means they need to be a little selfish for a while.
But sober does not equal selfish forever.
Your sober friends should still be showing up for you too. They should ask how you are doing. They should celebrate your wins, support your hard moments, and be a real friend in return.
If you ever feel like your support is being taken advantage of or the relationship has become one sided, it is okay to say something.
Healthy friendship still matters in sobriety.
We cannot expect to be treated like everyone else if we are not also doing the work to maintain the relationship.

Keep It Normal

At the end of the day, the best advice I can give is simple: keep it normal.

We are still the same people you loved when we were drinking or using. We are just trying to make our lives better.

Honestly, I think I am a much better version of myself in sobriety. My mom and dad would definitely agree.

There is a lot of change happening when someone gets sober. Our minds are changing, our routines are changing, our social lives are changing, and we are letting go of something that had a hold on us for a long time.

When I first got sober, what I wanted most was normalcy.

If I wanted to talk about sobriety, I would bring it up.

Otherwise, just talk to me about your day. Tell me about work. Tell me about your family. Tell me the ridiculous thing your coworker did. Make me laugh.

Show me that you still want me in your life.

That, more than anything, is what support really looks like.

I just happen to be sober now.

*These tips for helping are for those already in sobriety. The truth is, you can’t force anyone to get sober. They have to want it for themselves. If someone you love is struggling, give yourself some grace too. They may want to get better for the people in their life, and that can be part of what motivates them, but lasting sobriety has to come from within. At the end of the day, they need to choose it for themselves. It took me 20 years to truly understand that. If you think someone has a problem call al-anon for expert help at 1-888-4AL-ANON.

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What I Actually Do as Your Tour Manager and Why It Makes Travel Better

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Travel should feel exciting, not overwhelming. If you have ever planned a trip on your own, you know how quickly the little details can pile up. Flights, hotel check ins, transfers, activity times, dinner reservations, meeting points, and figuring out what comes next can make a vacation start to feel like work.
That is exactly where a tour manager changes everything.
As your tour manager, my job is to make the entire experience feel relaxing and seamless from the moment you land to the moment we say goodbye. I am the person making sure everything is handled, the group feels connected, and every guest can focus on the fun instead of the stress. On our Sober Gay Adventures trips, that support goes even deeper because I am also creating a safe, welcoming, and accountable space for sober LGBTQ travelers to fully enjoy the trip.

Tour Manager vs Tour Guide: What’s the Difference?

People often use tour manager and tour guide interchangeably, but they are actually very different roles.
A tour guide is usually the local expert who brings a destination to life through history, culture, and the experience of living like a local. They might lead a walking tour through the Vatican, share cultural legends in Florence, or show us hidden gems in Heraklion.
A tour manager, on the other hand, is with you for the entire journey. I am the one making sure the itinerary runs smoothly from airport arrival to the final goodbye. I manage the schedule, coordinate transportation, handle hotel check ins, solve unexpected problems, and make sure the group stays connected and supported.
The best way I have heard it described is this: a tour guide leads you through the destination, while a tour manager leads you through the full experience.
On Sober Gay Adventures trips, you get the best of both worlds: amazing local guides and a dedicated tour manager to make the whole trip feel effortless.

I Handle the Details So You Can Be Present

One of the biggest benefits of traveling with a tour manager is that you do not have to spend your vacation managing your own schedule.
I become your alarm clock, your calendar, your GPS, and sometimes even your wallet. You always know where to be, what time we leave, what is included, and what exciting experience is coming next. Instead of juggling what time you need to be somewhere or how to get there, you get to relax and let me handle the logistics.

I Solve Problems Before They Become Stress

Travel rarely goes exactly as planned. The weather is not always on our side, transportation runs late, and reservations sometimes need to change.
The beauty of traveling with a tour manager is that most of those problems are handled before they ever reach you. My role is to stay calm behind the scenes, pivot when needed, and keep the group experience smooth and enjoyable.
If it is raining before our walking tour in Rome, I am already out making sure the group has ponchos and umbrellas. If your phone is dying, I have a charger. If our van does not show up for some reason, I already have a car service I can call so we do not fall too far behind.
You get to enjoy a stress free vacation while I keep smiling because I already have the backup plan.

I Help Turn Strangers Into Friends

One of the most underrated parts of group travel is the community it creates.
Many guests arrive solo and may not know anyone at the start of the trip. A huge part of my role is helping people connect quickly through shared meals, group experiences, laughs, and the kind of easy introductions that make strangers feel like friends.
At SGA, we start building that connection before the trip even begins. We host a group Zoom about a month before departure so everyone can meet, we create a Facebook group for easy connection, and we keep a WhatsApp group chat going so travelers can ask questions and start getting excited together.
Once we are on the trip, I help keep that connection going. If you do not want to spend free time alone, I can organize something for the group. I can also connect you with travelers who have similar interests. Part of my job is helping everyone feel included and making sure we are enjoying our time together as a sober LGBTQ community.

I Make the Destination Feel More Meaningful

A tour manager does more than move people from one place to another. I help travelers experience the heart of a destination by recommending the best local spots, helping make the most of free time, and making sure the trip flows in a way that feels effortless.
Every destination we visit on our trips is somewhere I have personally been multiple times, often for months at a time. While I am not a local like our guides, I know the cities well enough to get us around smoothly, suggest great restaurants, and share some of the local flair that makes a place special.
Whether it is watching the sunset in Crete, exploring the Vatican in Italy, or finding the perfect local dinner spot, my goal is to make each moment richer, more memorable, and honestly one of the best trips you have ever had.

My Job as a SOBER Tour Manager

There is one big difference between being a tour manager and being a sober tour manager: I help stop temptation before it even presents itself.
When we check in, I make sure there is no mini bar, no complimentary drinks in the room, and no surprise bottle of wine waiting as a welcome gift.
When we sit down for dinner, I have already let the restaurant know not to bring a wine list or offer alcohol to the table. In places like Italy and Greece, they sometimes drop a liquor with the check, and I make sure that does not happen either.
I cannot control everything happening around us, but I can absolutely control what happens within our group.
Another important part of being a sober tour manager is supporting your recovery however that looks for you. I always have a list of local meetings you can attend during free time, and I am happy to offer my room as a space for meetings if the group wants one. Our trips are not 12 step exclusive, but I understand many of us are in programs, myself included. Part of my role is making sure you have what you need to protect your sobriety while still having an incredible travel experience.

The Benefits of Traveling With a Tour Manager

Traveling with a tour manager gives you:
  • less stress and fewer logistics to manage
  • built in support and accountability
  • smoother travel days
  • a stronger sense of community
  • local insight and better recommendations
  • help when plans unexpectedly change
  • more freedom to enjoy the actual trip
At the end of the day, the biggest benefit is simple: you get to actually enjoy your vacation.
Instead of worrying about what comes next, you can focus on the adventure, the connection, and the memories you are making. That is exactly what we create at Sober Gay Adventures. If Italy is calling your name, be sure to explore our Italy trip page. If sunsets in Greece are more your style, our Crete trip page is a perfect place to start.
If you have ever wanted to explore the world without the pressure of drinking culture, our small group trips are designed to make that possible. Come see what it feels like to travel with support, connection, and a tour manager who truly has your back every step of the way.
Ready to experience it for yourself? Check out our Italy adventure page and Crete retreat page to find the trip that fits you best.

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The Packing Post: How to Pack Smart and Travel Lighter

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I love packing. Seriously. It is a weird thing that most people don’t enjoy. My friend recently rolled his eyes and said, “I have to go home and pack,” and I looked at him and said, “I love packing.” He looked at me like I had just grown a second head.

I have traveled for months at a time and have figured out what is actually needed, what is not, and what small things make a big difference. If you want to travel easier, lighter, and with way less stress, this is how you do it.

Start With a Good Bag

If you take one thing seriously when packing, make it your bag. A good bag was in my top 5 things you should have for traveling. Do not go cheap on luggage or a backpack. A solid, well made bag will last you for years and make every trip smoother.
I use a Nomatic 40L bag that has been on multiple long trips and still looks brand new. It is comfortable, durable, and actually looks good. That matters more than people think. When something feels good to carry, your whole travel day feels easier.
If you prefer a roller bag, the same rule applies. Cheap wheels and weak construction will catch up to you at the worst time. Airports, cobblestone streets, long walks to your hotel. Spend the money once so you are not dealing with a broken bag in a new city.

Pack for the Trip You Are Actually Taking

This is where most people overpack. They pack for a fantasy version of their trip instead of their real one.
Are you really going to a fancy dinner every night? Probably not. Most trips include one or two nicer meals at most. The rest of the time you will be in casual restaurants, walking around, exploring, and just living in the place you are visiting.
Bring clothes that can do both. You should be able to walk around all day and then go straight to dinner without needing to change. That alone will cut your packing in half.
And let’s talk about swimsuits. You do not need five. I bring two. I call them gay and gayer. That is more than enough. No one is keeping track of your outfits at the pool.
If you are unsure about something, you probably do not need it. Let go of the what if mindset and focus on what you will actually use.

Leave Space in Your Bag

Always leave extra room. At least half a shoe box worth of space, if not more.
You will pick something up along the way. Even if you are not a big shopper, things add up. Maybe it is something you forgot. Maybe it is something you discover. Either way, you will want that space.
Packing your bag to the absolute limit on day one is a mistake. Give yourself room to move.

Use Packing Cubes and Stay Organized

I used to think packing cubes were unnecessary. Then I tried them and never went back.
They keep everything organized and easy to find. No digging through your bag. No mess. I use three: tops, bottoms, and underwear. If it is in the cube, it is clean. If it is not, it is dirty.
They also help maximize space, which matters when you are trying to travel light.
Are they life changing? No. But they make traveling a lot easier.

A Simple Packing List for a 10 Day Trip

For a ten day trip like our Sober Gay Adventures experiences in Crete or Italy, here is a simple, realistic packing list:
  • 8 shirts in neutral colors that mix and match easily
  • 1 to 2 pairs of pants
  • 3 to 4 pairs of shorts
  • 1 slightly nicer outfit if you want it
  • 2 pairs of shoes total
  • 2 swimsuits
  • Workout clothes if you plan to use them
  • Flip flops
  • A small day pack
  • Travel size toiletries
  • Sunscreen
  • Passport
  • Portable charger
  • Reusable water bottle
  • Any necessary medication
Keep it simple. You do not need more than this.

Pack Less, Experience More

Packing is not about being prepared for every possible situation. It is about setting yourself up to move through your trip with ease.
The less you bring, the less you carry. The less you carry, the more freedom you have. And the more freedom you have, the more you actually enjoy where you are.
You do not need more stuff. You need the right stuff.
Pack smart, keep it simple, and trust that whatever you forgot, you will figure it out.
And if you are still overthinking it, just remember this: I love packing. You do not have to. You just have to get good at it.
Do you have any must have packing tips? Comment below and let us know.

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What to Expect on a Sober Gay Adventure: What’s Included and What Makes It Different

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Today’s blog is all about giving you a clear picture of what’s actually included when you join a Sober Gay Adventure.
I’m not going to dive into the specific itineraries here, since both our Crete and Italy trips have detailed brochures you can download. I’ll link those at the end of this post so you can explore them on your own.
What I do want to focus on is everything beyond the day-to-day schedule. The essentials, yes, but also what I personally bring to the experience as your tour manager, and what we offer as a company.
Because SGA is about a lot more than just putting together incredible vacations. It’s about creating connection, community, and an experience that feels meaningful from start to finish. And that’s what I want to share with you today.

The Essentials

Sober Gay Adventures offers a lot, but one thing you’ll notice is that our trips are mostly all-inclusive.
There will be times when you have free time to explore on your own. During those moments, you’re free to check out the city, grab a meal, or do whatever feels right for you. We don’t follow you around covering every individual expense, but we make sure that the core experience is fully taken care of.
If you download a brochure or visit our WeTravel booking page, you’ll find a detailed breakdown of exactly what’s included for each specific trip, especially when it comes to meals.
Here’s a general overview of what is included:
What’s Included
  • Group meals, including tips
  • Accommodations
  • Tours and excursions, including tips
  • Transportation from arrival at the accommodations through departure
  • A dedicated tour manager throughout the trip
  • Assistance coordinating transportation to and from the airport
  • Trip insurance
What’s Not Included
  • Flights
  • Transportation to and from the airport (I’m happy to help coordinate this at no cost, but the transportation itself is not included)
  • Optional additional activities
  • Snacks and additional non-alcoholic beverages you may purchase on your own
  • Personal items and souvenirs
  • Health insurance (We do have liability insurance)
While the essentials are important, they’re really just the foundation of the trip.
What makes Sober Gay Adventures different goes beyond what’s included on paper. It’s not just about where you’re staying or what activities are planned, it’s about how the experience feels from the moment you arrive.
From creating a space where you don’t have to think about alcohol, to helping people connect in a real and meaningful way, there’s a lot that happens behind the scenes to make these trips what they are.
That’s the part I want to get into next.

What I Offer as Your Tour Manager

As your tour manager, my job is to make sure everything runs smoothly. I make sure you’re up on time, the group is where it needs to be, transportation is organized, and the bill is handled at restaurants. I’m basically your alarm clock, calendar, and wallet in human form.
Need to charge your phone? I’ve got three portable chargers on me at all times. Don’t want to carry a fanny pack with your passport? I’ll wear it. Italy requires you to have your passport on you, and yes, I’ve been stopped before. I’ll carry it like a mom of six who has no problem keeping things safe.
Need someone to take your photo for that Instagram post or just a memory? I’m your guy.
At the end of the day, I’m here to take care of you. My door is always open. During free time, if you don’t feel like going out on your own, come hang with me. Want suggestions on what to do? I’ve got a few ideas. I love traveling, and I love showing people around. You are never a bother.

Personally Curated Vacations

One thing that makes SGA special is that every trip is personally curated.
I have spent months in each of these locations over the years. While I am not a local, I know my way around. These are places I return to again and again.
I have personally experienced what you will experience. I have taken the tours, stayed in the hotels, and eaten at the restaurants.
This is not a package pulled from a quick search. It is built from real experience.
Some places made the cut, and some did not. I chose what I stand behind.
Of course, things can change. Restaurants close, management shifts, and plans may need to adjust. But everything included is something I have personally vetted to the best of my ability.

Stopping the Temptation Before It Starts

If you’ve never been to Italy or Greece, drinking is a big part of the culture. There is nothing wrong with that, but as someone in recovery, I know I don’t have just one or two glasses of wine. It turns into a bottle or three.
One of the reasons I started SGA was to remove as much of that temptation as possible. Personally, I can sit at a cafe and say no, but I also know that can be triggering for others.
It’s not uncommon for a shot of limoncello or raki to show up with the bill. In some places, the concept of sobriety doesn’t always register. I was on a scouting trip and when I said I don’t drink, the response I got was, “Not even a sip?”
With SGA, we do everything we can to remove alcohol from the experience. I cannot control what happens around us, but I can control what happens at our table. I make it clear when reservations are made, I remind them the day before, and I say it again when we arrive.
The same goes for accommodations. I make sure minibars are cleared, there are no complimentary drinks waiting in your room, and nothing is presented on arrival. I even arrive early at our first location to make sure everything is set up properly.
Your space should feel safe, especially your private space.
Sobriety is always the priority on an SGA trip. We do our best to stop temptation before it even starts. Of course, mistakes can happen, and we have grace for that, but if we can prevent it, we will.

Accountability Partners

One of the best parts of traveling with other sober people is the built in accountability.
Your sobriety comes first, and you are surrounded by people who understand that and support it. Everyone is there for the same reason, and we look out for each other.
There may be opportunities to go out at night. Being sober does not mean life stops. I still like to go dancing sometimes, and if the group wants to explore the nightlife, we can plan that together. If no one wants to go, bring me. I am an insomniac, I will go with you and keep you company.
SGA is not about clubs or partying, but the curiosity is natural. Maybe you want to experience the local LGBTQ community. I would rather go with you than have you feel like you need to sneak off on your own.
The same goes if you are feeling an urge. My door is always open.
If you are in a 12 step program and want a meeting, I can help find one or we can create one. Whether that is in a hotel room or outside in a yard in Crete, we will make it happen. I always carry a mini Big Book with me.
SGA is not a conference, and all paths of sobriety are welcome. But I understand how important it is to stay connected to your program, and there will likely be others on the trip who want the same.

The Pledge

At SGA, we have a pledge we ask people to sign to remain sober during the trip.
Relapse can happen. I have seen it happen, even in sober environments. While we do everything we can to prevent it, we also want to be realistic.
The pledge is simply an agreement that if a relapse happens, you take 24 hours to reset before rejoining the group. It is about respecting the group as a whole.
We also welcome partners who are not sober, but they must agree to not use any mind altering substances during the trip. The same expectations apply.
We take sobriety seriously. It is in our name, and it is the foundation of what we do.
There is also a two strike policy. If it becomes an ongoing issue, you may sit out group activities at your own expense unless the group feels comfortable with you rejoining. Your room is still yours, and you are not left stranded.
At the end of the day, this is a sober trip. The pledge is there to make sure that expectation is clear.
I am not turning my back on anyone. If someone struggles, I will still check in and support them. But the focus of SGA is to create a sober and safe environment for everyone.

The Act of God Clause

This is in place to make sure you are protected if something outside of our control affects travel.
If travel becomes impossible due to things like weather, strikes, pandemics, or other major events, you will be refunded.
This does not typically include personal situations like illness, injury, or job loss, but we will always do our best to work with you, whether that means a refund where possible or a credit toward a future trip.
I bring this up because there has been some uncertainty in the world, and a few people have asked about it. It is a fair question.
All of our trips are insured, and we choose refundable options when possible to protect you.
If something major prevents travel, you are covered.

The 10 Percent Club

We are a new business, and we understand that can feel like a leap of faith.
We do not have a long list of reviews yet. My family would vouch for me, but they might be a little biased.
So for our first year, we created the 10 Percent Club.
If you join us on one of our first trips, you will receive 10 percent off every future trip. As SGA grows and expands to new destinations, that benefit stays with you.
It is our way of saying thank you for taking that first step with us.

Come on a Sober Gay Adventure

It all sounds pretty good, right?
If you have been thinking about it, this might be your sign.
If you still have questions, you can set up a Zoom call with me. It is a chance to get to know each other and see if it feels like a good fit. You will be traveling with me, after all.
You can also reach out anytime at johnnyestling@sobergayadventures.com. I am happy to answer anything.
If you are ready to take the next step, download the brochure or check out the Crete and Italy trips.
We would love to have you join us for connection, community, and sober travel around the world.

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Coming Out Sober: Gay, Sober, and Finally Honest

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I came out as gay to my parents at 20. I came out to my parents as an alcoholic at 41, twenty years after my first attempt to get sober at 21. When I realized that both took me twenty years to do, it made me think about how I’ve had to come out twice in my life. The two experiences are different in many ways, but there are also so many similarities that it’s hard to ignore. Just like coming out as gay changed my life, coming out as sober did too.

The Denial

For a long time I denied both being gay and being an alcoholic. I grew up in a church that didn’t really care for gay people. It was ingrained in my head that it was bad and that I was going to hell. So I tried to pray it away and pretended it didn’t exist. I had girlfriends and used the word “fag” a lot to prove that I wasn’t. I did everything in my power to suppress the reality of who I was.
The same thing happened in my sobriety journey. I knew I was an alcoholic, but I denied it for a long time. I said the words “Hello, I’m Johnny and I’m an alcoholic” at 21 years old, but for years after that I wouldn’t say them again. I wasn’t the people I saw in those AA rooms. I wasn’t the people I bartended for. “At least I’m not…” and “He or she is way worse than me” are phrases that came out of my mouth more times than I can count.
There was shame that came with being sober, just like there was shame with being gay. Gay people were seen as immoral and choosing the wrong “lifestyle,” while alcoholics were seen as messy people living pathetic lives. Both things I now know are untrue, but at the time I didn’t want to be either of them. So what do we as humans do when we don’t want to admit something? Deny. Deny. Deny. Until the weight becomes too heavy to carry anymore.

Testing the Waters

I came out as gay at a different time than the younger generation. While there are still kids who are scared to come out, you also see people coming out in middle school now. Unafraid and unapologetic. You see something similar with sobriety. People are younger and younger when they start admitting they want to live a sober lifestyle. But for me, neither one was easy.
When I first started coming out as gay, I was lucky. I was a theater kid, and that community is one I’m forever grateful for because of its openness and acceptance. I started testing the waters, slowly telling people here and there. I say I came out at 20 because that’s when I told my parents and could truly be myself. But the process probably started around 16. That’s when I remember saying to someone, “My friend is gay. What do you think of that?”
I said that to a youth pastor at church, who replied, “I don’t know if you should be hanging out with him.” That pushed me further into the closet. Thankfully I went to an arts high school where there were other people like me. I started to feel more comfortable with who I was. Eventually I told a mentor and hero of mine that I was gay, and as I told more people it became easier.
Something similar happened when I started coming out as sober. Yes, I went to AA at 21. But I went secretly. No one in my personal life knew, and eventually I went back out drinking. As life went on, I tested the waters. I would tell friends I was thinking about giving up drinking for a while, and sometimes their responses sounded a lot like my youth pastor’s did years earlier. Comments that pushed me right back into the alcoholic closet.
“I could never do that.”
“I don’t know if I could date someone who doesn’t drink.”
Words like that made it harder to say who I really was.
It wasn’t until my 30s that I actually started telling people I was an alcoholic. That didn’t mean I got sober. It just meant I was starting to confide in people. People who I learned had struggled with alcohol too. Much like the openness in the theater community helped me come out as gay, the people who were open about their sobriety helped me come out as an alcoholic.

The Inner Turmoil

There is an internal struggle that comes with being LGBTQ and with being an alcoholic. Both carry stigma in certain parts of society. As a gay person I worried about losing friends and family. Will people still like me? If I come out will I be happy? Will I find love? And at that time there was also the fear of HIV.
My inner turmoil as an alcoholic was similar, minus the HIV part. Will I still be invited to things? Are my friends going to like me? How do I travel without drinking? Questions like these almost beat out the beginning of my recovery.
Being liked and accepted both as a member of the LGBTQ community and as a sober person was the thing that kept me in the closet the longest. The fear of losing friends or ending up alone stuck in my head. The mind plays tricks on you. Society does too. We are expected to drink at work functions, celebrations, BBQs, vacations. The list goes on and on.
But how do you live a life when everyone tells you it’s wrong? When people say it’s not normal? When do you admit it? And how do you start living as your true self?

You Stop Giving a Fuck What Others Think

Excuse my language, Mom and Dad, if you are reading this. But it’s the truth. At some point you have to stop giving a fuck what other people think.
Yes, there are still bigots who will say you’re wrong for being gay, trans, bi, or however you identify. It sucks, and they’re not going away. Just like there will always be racists and misogynists. But you can’t let those people control your life. You will feel a lot better being who you are than trying to conform to please people who disapprove of you.
The same goes for being sober. There will always be people who call you boring or say “just one won’t hurt,” even when you know it will. Some people won’t support your decision to come out as an alcoholic. Those people are no different than the ones who reject others for being LGBTQ. They don’t respect you. You didn’t choose to be an alcoholic, just like I didn’t choose to be gay.
It’s not always easy. Trust me. I spent twenty years in both closets, denying my own happiness. One closet kept me from living freely as a gay man. The other kept me from admitting I had a problem with alcohol.
I’m 45 years old as I write this. I’m not rich. I’m single. I live in a three bedroom apartment with three other guys. And yet I am at one of the happiest and most content places in my life. And it’s because I finally stopped giving a fuck what other people think.

Be Yourself

I want to end with this. Be true to who you are, but do it in the way that feels comfortable to you.
I am out and proud as both a gay man and a sober person. I share it on social media. I write about it. I even started a travel business for the LGBTQ sober community. That’s how I chose to live my journey.
But I’m not walking around with a megaphone wrapped in a rainbow flag announcing that I’m sober. I do it in a way that feels right for me, and I think that’s the most important thing. Share what you want on your own terms, but don’t deny who you are.
If you’re someone with the megaphone, great. We need people like you.
If you’re like me and you’re open about it at work and on social media, great. We need people like you too. Or maybe you only share those parts of your life with the people closest to you. That’s great as well. We need people like you.
Because at the end of the day, what matters is that you are here. The world needs you. But it needs the most authentic version of you.
Be proud of being LGBTQ.
Be proud of being sober.
Whether you’re on day 1 or day 10,000, you matter. And wherever you are in your journey, I want you to know that I’m proud of you.
And the beautiful thing is this. When you finally stop hiding who you are, you start finding other people who have done the same. People who understand you. People who support you. People who remind you that you are not alone.
For me that has been one of the greatest gifts of sobriety and being out. The community that comes with it.
Because when we stop hiding, we start living.

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Are you sober and part of the LGBTQ community and look for a safe place to travel with fellowship and accountability? We have two great trips in August. Check out our Italy LGBTQ Adventure and our Crete Men’s Retreat. If your in NYC, check out out SGA NYC for local at cost adventures.

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Why I Love Italy: Food, History and Culture

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Last week I talked about why I love Crete to give some insight into why I chose it as one of SGA’s vacations. So I thought this week I would tell you why I love Italy. Out of all the places I’ve visited in the world, Italy is the country I’ve explored the most. It’s a beautiful place enriched with history and culture, and I am very excited about our Italy LGBTQ Adventure from August 7 to 16, 2026.

The Food

I think most people can agree that one of the best things about Italy is the food. Italian cuisine is loved across the world. Whether it’s pizza or pasta, there’s nothing like sharing an authentic Italian meal with family and friends. It’s the kind of food that is meant to be shared and enjoyed together.
As an implanted New Yorker, my love for a New York slice is undeniable, but I have to admit that a classic Italian slice is where it’s at. In New York, pizza is often eaten on the go, but in Italy it’s more of a meal where you sit down and savor every bite. The crust can be so thin that sometimes you even eat it with a fork and knife.
And the pasta! From carbonara to classic spaghetti with meat sauce, Italians can take the simplest ingredients and turn them into a masterpiece. There’s nothing better than a family run restaurant like Sabatino in Florence, where they offer simple dishes that somehow taste better than anything you can get in the United States.
There are hidden gems all over the cities of Italy, and I hope you will join us and discover the incredible flavors this country has to offer.

The History

The history in Italy is hard to match. Every country has something unique to offer, but few have preserved and protected their history the way Italy has. Around almost every corner in Rome you will find something from the past. It is truly an honor to stand in front of sites that have been around for hundreds of years.
I am sure I have said this many times before, but one of my favorite places in the world is the Colosseum. Even before I visited it, I loved it. When I am in Rome, I will sometimes just walk over to it, stand there for a while, and then head back to my hotel. There is something so special about standing in front of a building that is over a thousand years old. It really makes you think about how short our time here is.
That is how I feel about the history in all the Italian cities we will visit. Rome, Pisa, Siena, Florence, and Venice have all preserved pieces of the past that you simply do not find in many other places across the globe. I always feel lucky when I get to stand among that history.

The Art

Art is everywhere in Italy. From some of the most famous pieces we learn about in school, like David, to the more modern street art you see while walking around, creativity surrounds you in these cities.
On SGA’s Italy tour you will see the beautiful ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Vatican City, the halls of the Accademia Gallery where David lives in Florence, and the walls of Doge’s Palace in Venice. You will be completely surrounded by art. Whether you consider yourself an art lover or not, it is hard not to marvel at these incredible creations.
Many of these works are things we have seen in books or on posters, but there is something very special about seeing them in person. You do not always realize the scale of what these artists created or the years it took to complete their work. When you are standing right in front of these pieces, you gain a whole new appreciation that is hard to explain. The only real way to understand it is to experience it for yourself.

The People

The people of Italy are something else. They are kind, passionate, and genuine. Italians are proud of their culture and they want to share it with you.
When they make their food, it is done with love. Of course, like anywhere in the world, you may come across places that are focused on making a quick buck from tourists. But for the most part, it is easy to find restaurants that are not just machines. You will find family businesses that have been passed down from generation to generation.
Another thing I appreciate is how knowledgeable the tour guides are. One of the things I love about the tours I have taken, and will be sharing on our Italy Adventure, is that the guides truly know their history. They study for this, take exams, and are certified by the country. Not just anyone can become a tour guide in Italy. You have to be passionate and knowledgeable about the places you are showing people.
Overall, I have found Italians to be incredibly welcoming to visitors. I cannot say that about everywhere I have traveled. Over the years I have made friends with many Italians, and when I visit them, they make me feel like part of their family. Honestly, they made me feel that way from the very first time I visited.
And that is what I really love about Italy. The sense of family, the passion for life, and the respect they show to the people they welcome into it.

Come Experience Italy With Me

Italy is a place that continues to pull me back year after year. It is the food shared around a table, the history that surrounds you, the art that takes your breath away, and the people who welcome you like family. Every time I visit I discover something new, and that is exactly why I wanted Italy to be one of the first trips offered through Sober Gay Adventures.
In August 2026 we will explore Rome, Florence, and Venice together while experiencing the culture, history, and beauty that make Italy so special. If Italy has always been on your bucket list, or if you have been before and want to experience it in a new way with an incredible group of people, I would love for you to join us.
And if you have been to Italy before, I would love to hear about your experience. Leave a comment below and tell me what you loved most about it.

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WHy I love crete

Why I Love Crete: The Island That Stole My Heart and Why I Keep Going Back

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Crete is one of the two trips SGA is offering this summer. We will be heading to Italy first from August 7 to 16, and then to Crete from August 21 to 30. So I thought this week’s blog I would tell you why I chose Crete, and next week I will talk about why I chose Italy.
And I did not choose them just because they are popular travel destinations. I chose them because they are two of my favorite places in the world.
Yes, I realize Italy is a country and Crete is part of a country. For the sake of time and space in this blog, I am generalizing when I say I love Italy. But I will return to my love for Italy and the cities we will be visiting next week.
This week I wanted to talk about why I love Crete. Why it is currently my favorite place that I have visited. Why this trip is so important to me, and why someday I would love to live on this island. It holds a special place in my heart, and it is a place I want to bring people back to again and again.

It Feels Like a Country of Its Own

Okay, technically it is not a country, but it feels like it could be.
Crete is the largest of the Greek islands and is actually larger than several countries, including Luxembourg, Singapore, and Trinidad and Tobago. Because the island is so large, each city has its own personality.
Much like Rome, Florence, and Venice all feel completely different from one another, the same is true across Crete. Matala, Heraklion, and Chania each have their own unique atmosphere.
When you visit some of the other Greek islands, each island tends to have one dominant vibe. Santorini is known for romance and dramatic views. Mykonos is famous for its party scene. Skopelos has that classic small island charm.
But Crete is different. You still feel like you are on a Greek island, but drive a couple of hours and you are somewhere completely new.
The busy streets of Heraklion feel nothing like walking the sidewalks of the old town in Chania. Rethymno feels worlds away from the relaxed, small town energy of Matala. It is a place where you could stay some where different every day and feel like you traveled somewhere completely new.

The Beaches

Yes, the beaches are beautiful all across the Greek islands. The clear blue water of the Mediterranean is something special to see. It looks clean and vibrant in a way that many waters near the United States simply do not.
Other islands absolutely have stunning beaches. But many of them are packed. And while Crete does have busy beaches, they rarely feel overcrowded the way they can in places like Santorini or Mykonos.
The beaches in Crete feel simpler. There might be a small refreshment stand here or there, but it is not lined with endless restaurants or boardwalk style attractions. The focus is the water, the view, and the experience.
Matala is probably one of the busier beaches on the island, but even there it rarely feels overwhelming. Most travelers stay on other parts of the island, so Matala is often more of a day trip destination rather than somewhere people visit again and again.
A few years ago I had the pleasure of bringing my sisters and my mom to both Santorini and Crete. I think they would agree with me that the beaches in Crete feel more relaxed and more enjoyable.
And I am not knocking Santorini. It is stunning. I once went there planning to stay for two days and ended up staying for a week and a half. But there is just something different about the beaches in Crete.

It Does Not Feel as Touristy

Crete is absolutely a tourist destination. But it does not feel overwhelming in the way some places do.
When I have visited, the streets feel open. You can walk comfortably without being stuck in a crowd. Of course there are souvenir shops across the island. It is a vacation destination after all.
But you are not shuffling along shoulder to shoulder with a mass of people.
There is space to move.
You could honestly put your arms out and spin around like Maria in the opening of The Sound of Music. And you might want to, because the scenery is that beautiful.
Another thing I love is that the restaurants rarely feel like they are trying to take advantage of tourists. Instead of huge overpriced restaurants lining the waterfront, you often find smaller places with simple seating and family run kitchens.
Of course there are larger restaurants too. But they do not dominate the way they do in some other tourist destinations.
I never once felt like I was being ripped off in Crete. And that was true both when I was drinking and when I was sober.
The people of Crete seemed to care more about your experience than they cared about squeezing every dollar out of you. They do not rush you to pay the bill. They are not pushing for huge tips because they know you are American. They are simply happy you are there.
Their culture and their food still matter deeply to them. And that is something I really love about Crete.

The Sense of Community

I have been lucky enough to stay in Crete for an extended period of time three years in a row. Each time I stayed for about a month.
And the reason I keep coming back is the sense of community.
The last time I was there, I would walk down to get my morning tea, and after only a few visits the barista already knew my order. I would sit outside and watch people greet each other as they walked through town.
One morning I even heard a bus honk its horn. At first I thought someone was in the way, but the driver was actually just saying hello to a woman walking down the street.
In the evenings the town squares fill with locals spending time together. People are talking, laughing, and connecting. They are not staring down at their phones.
What surprised me most was that even the teenagers were not glowing in the light of a screen. They were actually sitting together and talking.
It felt special to see.
I think we have lost a lot of that connection in everyday life. I am a man of a certain age. I remember growing up without a phone in my pocket. I liked not always being reachable. I liked hearing stories instead of watching a video or scrolling through pictures.
Crete still seems to hold on to some of that slower, more connected way of living. And that is something I truly love.

Why I Want to Share Crete With Others

Travel has meant something more to me than just checking places off a list. The best places I have been are the ones I never want to leave. They change how you see the world a little bit.
I mean, every city I travel to I usually say, “I could live here.” But Crete is somewhere I actually could see myself living someday.
It is not just the beaches, the food, or the views. It is the feeling you get when you are there. The slower pace, the connection between people, and the sense that life is meant to be enjoyed and shared. Something I think a lot of people are craving right now.
When I started Sober Gay Adventures, I knew I did not want to just create trips. I wanted to create experiences that meant something. Trips where people could connect with each other, explore beautiful places, and feel fully present without alcohol being the center of everything.
Crete felt like the perfect place for that.
It is a place where you can relax, explore, laugh, and truly take in the moment. It is also a place where community comes naturally. And that is exactly the kind of experience I want people to have when they travel with SGA. A sense of connection that many of us found in sobriety and want to continue finding while traveling.

Experiencing Crete Together

So that is why I chose Crete.
It is not just one of my favorite places. It is a place that changed how I think about travel, connection, and what it means to truly experience somewhere new.
This August I am excited to bring a group to experience it together. We will explore beautiful towns, relax on incredible beaches, eat amazing food, share our lives, and most importantly build connections with each other.
Next week I will share why I chose Italy as our other SGA destination this summer.
And if Crete sounds like your kind of adventure, I would love for you to join us. Feel free to sign up for a Zoom meeting HERE. I am happy to walk you through what to expect, introduce myself since I will be your tour manager, and answer any questions you might have.
Leave a comment below and tell me what kind of places make you fall in love with travel.

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5 Must Have Travel Products: From a Guy Who Can Live Out of a Backpack

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Over the years, I have traveled through Europe for weeks and sometimes months at a time. I have overpacked. I have underpacked. I have helped drag broken luggage down cobblestone streets helping people.

I have learned the hard way and seen others learn the hard way.

Now, especially when I am leading Sober Gay Adventures trips in Italy and Crete, I live out of one backpack for a month or more. Space matters. Quality matters. And what you bring can either make your trip easier or way more complicated than it needs to be.

These are my five must have travel items. The ones I do not leave home without.

1. The Perfect Backpack

I am a backpack guy.

I understand not everyone can travel with one due to injuries, age, or preference. But if you are traveling through Europe, I always suggest a backpack if you can manage it.

European streets are old. Cobblestones look romantic in photos, but they are brutal on rolling suitcases. I cannot tell you how many times I have watched people struggle to drag luggage across a piazza or down a narrow street.

A backpack makes getting around so much easier.

When buying one, do not go cheap. I made that mistake on my first long trip across Europe and the seams on the straps were starting to burst by the end. A quality backpack will carry you through countries, airports, ferries, trains, and everything in between.

My current bag is a Nomatic 40L pack. I have taken it across Europe three different times for months at a time. It has been to 12 countries and more than 30 cities, and it still holds up like new. It has scrapes and scratches, sure. But it is strong, reliable, and worth every dollar.

If you plan to travel Europe for an extended trip, your backpack matters more than you think.

2. The Neutral Dark Shirt 

When I pack, I keep it simple. Four t shirts. Three polos. Two button ups. One hoodie.

All neutral colors. Mostly grey, navy, and black.

This is not because I dislike color. It is because darker neutral clothing hides spills, sweat, and whatever you accidentally brush up against while exploring a city.

They are easy to wash in a sink. Easy to wipe down with a damp cloth. You do not have to hunt down a laundromat every few days.

This is what I pack whether I am gone for one week, two weeks, or four months. I have traveled all over Europe with these nine shirts and been completely fine.

They work for a nicer dinner. They work hiking hills in Santorini. They work wandering through Rome or grabbing coffee in Florence.

Most people look great in dark neutrals. They mix and match easily. And no one notices if you repeat outfits.

Packing light is freedom. The less you carry, the more you enjoy the trip.

3. The Collapsible Day Pack

When I travel for long periods of time, space in my main backpack is everything.

One of the best travel items I have discovered over the years is a collapsible day pack. It rolls up or flattens and takes up almost no room in your main bag.

But once you are out exploring, it becomes essential.

I keep my portable charger, water bottle, sunglasses, and snacks in there for long days walking through cities or exploring islands. It keeps everything organized without carrying your full travel pack everywhere.

The first time I spent a month in Athens, I used the city as a home base and explored different Greek islands on weekends. I would leave my large backpack at my Airbnb and take only my collapsible day pack. Because I packed smart with neutral clothing, I never needed much.

The Navigator Collapsible Backpack by Nomatic gives you flexibility without bulk. It is probably my favorite travel accessory.

5. A Portable Charger That Actually Works

Your phone is your map, camera, translator, boarding pass, and connection to everyone you are traveling with.

If your phone dies in a foreign country, it is not fun. It is stressful.

I learned that lesson early on while trying to navigate train schedules with a dying battery. Since then, a portable charger has been non negotiable.

Not a tiny one that gives you half a charge. A real one that can fully charge your phone at least once or twice.

When I leading Sober Gay Adventures tours in Italy or Crete, we are out all day. Photos. Directions. Group messages. Restaurant reservations. I cannot have my phone dying at 3 pm. I also will carry an extra for those who may have forgot theirs.

It lives in my day pack and gives me peace of mind every single day.

I recently order this Nimble Champ 10k Wireless Portable Charger after using my friends the other day. I love it and can’t wait to use it while traveling.

5. A Really Good Pair of Walking Shoes

You walk a lot in Europe.

You are walking through Rome. Climbing hills in Santorini. Getting lost on purpose in Florence. If your shoes are wrong, your trip feels wrong.

I have made the mistake of bringing shoes that looked great but were not built for miles. By day three, I was thinking about my feet instead of the view.

Now I bring one solid pair of broken in, reliable walking shoes. Not brand new. Not fashion only. Real hiking shoes.

You do not need five pairs. You need one great pair. That you can dress up and dress down.

When your feet feel good, everything feels easier. You stay out longer. You say yes to one more street, one more hill, one more sunset.

And that is what travel is about. Being able to be out as long as you can enjoying your time.

Travel does not have to be complicated. The right gear gives you freedom. It lets you move easily, pack lighter, and focus on the experience instead of your stuff. These five items have carried me through months in Europe and will again when running Sober Gay Adventures trips, and they have never let me down. If you have a must have travel item you swear by, leave a comment below. I am always looking to upgrade my list.

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You’re Not Missing Out

You’re Not Missing Out: How to Deal with FOMO While Traveling Sober

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Not going to lie. I had FOMO going into traveling sober. It scared me a little.
How was I going to handle the nights? What was I going to do?
A big part of my past travels included staying up late, drinking, and meeting the boys in whatever city I was visiting. To quote Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest, I knew where to find the boys and the booze.
The fear of missing out is real. LGBTQ travel often revolves around bars, parties, and late nights dancing in clubs. When you are the one not drinking, it can feel like you are not having the “real” experience and are on the outside looking in.
What I learned is this. You are not missing out. You are just experiencing travel differently. The feeling does not last forever. Once you are actually out there traveling, it fades. And it absolutely does not ruin your trip.
Here are a few things that helped me deal with FOMO while traveling sober.

Be Honest About Your Past Experiences

FOMO usually starts with romanticizing alcohol. We see commercials with couples laughing over a glass of wine. Friends dancing in clubs. Everyone looking like they are having the time of their lives while sipping cocktails on vacation.
But was that really your reality?
Think about the hangovers. The blackouts where you do not even remember that “amazing” night. The mornings you missed. The sights you skipped. The time wasted because you drank too much the night before.
You are not missing anything. You are creating a better experience.

Rethink What Fun Actually Is

Like a lot of alcoholics, I believed fun only existed if I was partying or in a bar. The tourist attractions were just obligations for social media or something to tell my parents about. They were fine. But the real fun happened after dark.
When I got sober, that shifted.
Getting up early to walk through a city before it wakes up. Taking day trips I would have skipped because I would have been sleeping until noon. I have been to Paris probably seven times, and I finally went to Mont Saint Michel on my last trip because I was sober. I had wanted to see it since I planned my first trip there.
Fun is not about alcohol. It is about the experience, the memories, and the connections. For some people, drinking can be part of that. But for me, the cost of drinking is not worth what I gain from traveling sober.

Create a New Version of Nightlife

Not drinking does not mean going back to your hotel room after dinner and calling it a night.
There is so much to do once the sun sets that has nothing to do with alcohol.
One of my favorite things is grabbing gelato and walking through the city at night. Fresh air. City lights. People out enjoying themselves. There are performances, street musicians, night tours, late night cafés. And if you feel solid in your sobriety, you can still go dancing.
On Sober Gay Adventures trips, we offer optional evening activities for anyone who wants to stay out. Night bus tours, theater, concerts, sunset boat rides, or just hanging out at the hotel talking. And we are not against going out if that is what the group wants. We just do it together, supporting each other and staying accountable.

Plan Things That Keep You Excited

A lot of FOMO comes from having nothing else to look forward to.
When you travel, have a plan. Leave space for downtime, but give yourself things you are excited about. When you have something meaningful the next morning or evening, it is easier not to worry about what you are “missing.”
Build your trip around real experiences. Cultural tours. Great food. History. Exploring neighborhoods you would never see from a bar stool. When your days are full, the midnight party becomes less appealing and your bed honestly starts to look better.
That is one of the reasons I started Sober Gay Adventures. To create trips where you are so busy living that you forget about drinking. You are not just avoiding bars. You are having a better time without them.

Travel With People Who Get It

One of the hardest parts of sober travel is feeling like the only one not drinking. It can feel isolating, even in a crowd. People ask questions. Sometimes they look at you like something is wrong.
I once told a guide in Florence that I did not drink and her response was, “Not even a sip?”
Everything changes when you are with other sober LGBTQ travelers. You do not have to explain yourself. You do not have to justify your choices. You just get to be yourself.
That is exactly what the Sober Gay Adventures trips to Crete and Italy are about. A space where you can fully relax on vacation because you are not trying to keep up or pretend.

Accept That FOMO Will Happen

Even now, I still have moments of FOMO. It is normal. Drinking and nightlife were major parts of many of our stories. We have to retrain our brains.
You can feel it without acting on it. You can let it pass.
There have been days when I see people on a patio enjoying a glass of white wine and I think, that looks nice. But I am always grateful the next morning that I did not give in. As my sobriety grows, the fear of missing out gets smaller

The Truth About Sober Travel

Some of the best moments of my life have happened while traveling sober. Not in bars or clubs, but in quiet streets, scenic overlooks, small cafés, and long conversations with people I just met.
Sobriety did not take travel away from me. It gave it back in a way that feels more meaningful and more memorable.
If traveling sober feels intimidating, you are not alone. That is exactly why Sober Gay Adventures exists. It is a chance to see the world with other LGBTQ travelers who are choosing a different path, without the pressure to drink.
And you might realize you were never actually missing out in the first place.

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Rome Through Sober Eyes: My First Time Sober in the Eternal City

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I have been to Rome four times. Three of those trips were when I was actively drinking, and one was when I was sober. In my last blog post I wrote about ten reasons why traveling sober is better than the alternative. But this time I wanted to share what my experience was actually like. Why I loved it so much, and why I cannot wait to return with SGA’s Italy LGBTQ sober adventure tour.

Why I Went to Rome Sober

I went to Rome to scout for the trip SGA will be running in August 2026. I wanted to experience firsthand what our guests would experience. I did not want to offer a cookie cutter vacation where the organizers barely know the itinerary, like some big budget travel companies.

The other reason was personal. I wanted to experience one of my favorite countries in the world sober. Most of the times I visited Italy in the past, I wandered through the cities in a haze. I did go once with my parents, so I was not completely out of control, but I still had what I like to call wine goggles on. It was important for me to see these cities in Italy with clear, sober eyes.

When I traveled before, I also had what I would call a wine budget. That meant I did not see as much as I should have. I would say, “I want to live like the locals,” which was really code for, “I want to drink while people watching.” This time, I wanted to experience Rome as a tourist. I wanted to appreciate it and fall in love with it for a completely different reason.

Rome in a Day Tour

We are only in Rome for a couple of days on the SGA tour, so I wanted to find a way to see as much as possible while still giving people time to explore the city on their own. During my research, I found The Tour Guy’s Rome in a Day tour. It was exactly what I was looking for. You get to visit the inside of the Vatican and the Colosseum and see everything in between. They even transfer you from Vatican City to the city center in an air conditioned van.

I had been inside the Vatican before, but I had a broken shoulder and was on painkillers. I had surgery after breaking my shoulder while visiting Italy. And fun fact, I was not even drunk when it happened. It was not my finest moment. So returning healed and sober, I was in awe of the building. It is hard to describe how grand the Vatican really is, and seeing it through sober eyes was incredible.

After that, we went into the city center where our guide showed us the highlights of Rome, including the Pantheon and the Trevi Fountain. As touristy as the Trevi Fountain is, it is still fun to throw in the coin. I used to be the kind of tourist who avoided tourist attractions, but now that I actually do them, I love them. I have even started doing them in New York City with SGA NYC.

From the city center, we walked through the ruins that lead to the Colosseum. Our guide was knowledgeable and had story after story about what these ancient structures once held. When I was drinking, I did not appreciate what surrounded me. Sobriety taught me to appreciate both the opportunity and the history.

We ended the tour at the Colosseum. If you watch my introduction to SGA on YouTube, you will hear that it is probably my favorite place in the world. I have loved it since I was a kid, years before I ever visited Rome. When I first saw it in person, I cried. But for some reason, I never went inside.

Standing in the skip the line queue, I got teary eyed again. In the past, my drinking was more important than going inside one of my favorite places. I would rather see it from the patio of a bar than actually experience it. And there I was, sober, finally getting to experience it the right way. With a clear mind and a grateful heart.

That first day sober in Rome was more than I could have hoped for. I had an experience I fully remember, and I found a tour company I can stand behind for the guests who will join me on SGA’s Italy adventure. And after all that walking, I had an incredible carbonara near the hotel.

Free Walking Tour and a Lot of Food

On my second day I wanted to test a more affordable option, so I joined one of the free walking tours. You can get great experiences at a low cost, even if they do not have all the extras of a private tour. I enjoyed this one as well. The guide was more relaxed and went off script, taking us to places we had not visited before.

He introduced me to one of my favorite places to eat in Rome, Pastificio Guerra. You can get a bowl of fresh pasta to go for five euros. They only serve two kinds each day, and it is some of the best pasta I have ever had. Right across the street is a great tiramisu spot for dessert. While we will not be taking the full walking tour as a group, we will definitely be stopping here for a bite.

When planning my first sober trip to Italy, I also wanted to try a food tour. When I was drinking, I did not always eat as well as I should have. Of course I had good meals here and there, but I wanted to truly taste what Rome had to offer.

I found the Roman Food Tour in Trastevere, and it was exactly what I was looking for. The only issue was that it included wine tastings. When they asked about allergies, I simply said I did not drink. They had no problem with it. In fact, the guide was so kind that she offered me a non alcoholic drink at every stop. When we run this tour with SGA, it will be private and alcohol free.

We visited some amazing spots in Trastevere. We ate incredible sandwiches, sampled local cheeses, enjoyed pasta and pizza, and ended with real gelato. If you ever see gelato that is bright, colorful, and piled high, that is not the kind you want. Real Italian gelato sits lower in the case and is often covered. That is the good stuff.

The tour was excellent, and I probably gained a few pounds along the way. But it was exactly the kind of experience I wanted to include in SGA’s Italy vacation.

Exploring Rome Sober

It was important for me to reintroduce myself to Rome while sober. I wanted to appreciate the history and also find optional activities for guests who may want more structure. So I stayed a few extra days and tried different experiences.

I hiked up a hill for a spectacular view of the city. I booked a time slot to go inside the Pantheon, since the Rome in a Day tour only visits the outside. I took a boat ride and even tried a double decker bus tour. That bus ride actually inspired me to offer a private one as our meet and greet activity.

I am so glad I took those extra days. Not just for planning the SGA trip, but for myself. I needed to prove that I could enjoy travel and this city again without alcohol. I stopped to watch street performers instead of rushing by. I watched artists paint. I experienced Rome instead of just pretending to live like a local.

Italy holds a special place in my heart. Even when I drank my way through Rome, I knew it was something special. My best friend passed away almost ten years ago, and I took my first overseas trip in his honor. It was something we never got to do together. I even planned that first trip during our birthday week, so Italy has a deep personal connection for me.

The thing about Italy is that even though the cities are old, visiting never gets old. Every trip feels like the first time exploring. This last one just happened to be better because I was sober. It was better because I appreciated it more. It was better because I was truly grateful to be there.

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