Not going to lie. I had FOMO going into traveling sober. It scared me a little.
How was I going to handle the nights? What was I going to do?
A big part of my past travels included staying up late, drinking, and meeting the boys in whatever city I was visiting. To quote Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest, I knew where to find the boys and the booze.
The fear of missing out is real. LGBTQ travel often revolves around bars, parties, and late nights dancing in clubs. When you are the one not drinking, it can feel like you are not having the “real” experience and are on the outside looking in.
What I learned is this. You are not missing out. You are just experiencing travel differently. The feeling does not last forever. Once you are actually out there traveling, it fades. And it absolutely does not ruin your trip.
Here are a few things that helped me deal with FOMO while traveling sober.
Be Honest About Your Past Experiences
FOMO usually starts with romanticizing alcohol. We see commercials with couples laughing over a glass of wine. Friends dancing in clubs. Everyone looking like they are having the time of their lives while sipping cocktails on vacation.
But was that really your reality?
Think about the hangovers. The blackouts where you do not even remember that “amazing” night. The mornings you missed. The sights you skipped. The time wasted because you drank too much the night before.
You are not missing anything. You are creating a better experience.
Rethink What Fun Actually Is
Like a lot of alcoholics, I believed fun only existed if I was partying or in a bar. The tourist attractions were just obligations for social media or something to tell my parents about. They were fine. But the real fun happened after dark.
When I got sober, that shifted.
Getting up early to walk through a city before it wakes up. Taking day trips I would have skipped because I would have been sleeping until noon. I have been to Paris probably seven times, and I finally went to Mont Saint Michel on my last trip because I was sober. I had wanted to see it since I planned my first trip there.
Fun is not about alcohol. It is about the experience, the memories, and the connections. For some people, drinking can be part of that. But for me, the cost of drinking is not worth what I gain from traveling sober.
Create a New Version of Nightlife
Not drinking does not mean going back to your hotel room after dinner and calling it a night.
There is so much to do once the sun sets that has nothing to do with alcohol.
One of my favorite things is grabbing gelato and walking through the city at night. Fresh air. City lights. People out enjoying themselves. There are performances, street musicians, night tours, late night cafés. And if you feel solid in your sobriety, you can still go dancing.
On Sober Gay Adventures trips, we offer optional evening activities for anyone who wants to stay out. Night bus tours, theater, concerts, sunset boat rides, or just hanging out at the hotel talking. And we are not against going out if that is what the group wants. We just do it together, supporting each other and staying accountable.
Plan Things That Keep You Excited
A lot of FOMO comes from having nothing else to look forward to.
When you travel, have a plan. Leave space for downtime, but give yourself things you are excited about. When you have something meaningful the next morning or evening, it is easier not to worry about what you are “missing.”
Build your trip around real experiences. Cultural tours. Great food. History. Exploring neighborhoods you would never see from a bar stool. When your days are full, the midnight party becomes less appealing and your bed honestly starts to look better.
That is one of the reasons I started Sober Gay Adventures. To create trips where you are so busy living that you forget about drinking. You are not just avoiding bars. You are having a better time without them.
Travel With People Who Get It
One of the hardest parts of sober travel is feeling like the only one not drinking. It can feel isolating, even in a crowd. People ask questions. Sometimes they look at you like something is wrong.
I once told a guide in Florence that I did not drink and her response was, “Not even a sip?”
Everything changes when you are with other sober LGBTQ travelers. You do not have to explain yourself. You do not have to justify your choices. You just get to be yourself.
That is exactly what the Sober Gay Adventures trips to Crete and Italy are about. A space where you can fully relax on vacation because you are not trying to keep up or pretend.
The Truth About Sober Travel